Many of us who grew up in conservative evangelical churches bear stark memories of how a culture can entrap people instead of empowering them. One prime way is through gender roles, in a form of patriarchy where only men are allowed leadership roles and a public voice. Decades ago, Shannon Harris married the best-selling author Joshua Harris (I Kissed Dating Goodbye) and quickly became a silent, unpaid role of a pastor’s wife. In this memoir, she tells her story of enmeshment and eventual liberation from being a “good Christian wife.”
Importantly, Shannon did not aspire to become a pastor’s wife as a dream, but the church culture thrust this archetype upon her. She had professionally aspired to music and theater, but soon after marrying Joshua, her only role became singing church music and serving his needs as a pastor. Every other part of her life felt “policed” by church members. Those of us who grew up in conservative evangelical churches know such hen-pecking behavior too well.
Not until Joshua decided to step down from his senior pastor role to attend a seminary in Vancouver did Shannon begin to deconstruct the decade-plus of unhealthy relationships oppressing her and her family. She discusses how she slowly came to a more liberating view with a more generous social ethic. She has evolved to view her marriage as an ecclesiastical responsibility thrust upon her instead of a love-based relationship. Today, she is deeply spiritual – probably more so – but seems less formally religious. Her marriage ended. Conservative evangelical control has ceased. She has embraced feminist empowerment as a tool for progressive, genuine healing.
An evangelical resurgence around the turn of the millennium caught a lot of Americans up in the fervor. Many can relate to Harris’ story of overcoming the patriarchal control from this subculture. Like much that conservative evangelicals began in that era, her husband Joshua Harris’ empire has crumbled down in contradictions and self-destruction. The newly liberated Shannon now seeks to build a career in the performing arts, a venture long stymied by an unpaid job of a “good Christian wife.”
This book appeals to readers interested in conservative American evangelicalism, either personally or from curiosity. Shannon holds a close view to many of its faults. Readers looking for healing or inspiration can find hope in her finding a sense of self from the abyss of church control. The chapters are short, mostly 1-3 pages, with perhaps too many blank filler pages. That makes this book an exceptionally quick read. It adds to a growing list of works by people seeking to recover from emotional and personal damage done by this movement. Shannon Harris shows that it can be done even though it’s hard and lonely. In so doing, she adds her voice, long suppressed, to a very human chorus.
The Woman They Wanted: Shattering the Illusion of the Good Christian Life
By Shannon Harris
Copyright (c) 2023
Broadleaf Books
ISBN13 9781506483160
Page Count: 244
Genre: Memoir, Religious
www.amazon.com