Many people pridefully take the stance that they don’t need self-help books. “It’s all easy and common sense,” they claim. Often, those people are the very people whose personal relationships are most disordered. In truth, we all can use a little help sometimes, and I often am more receptive when reading it in a book at my own leisure rather than sitting on a therapist’s couch. In this book, Manney brings us to his therapist’s couch and distills decades of practical insight onto the topic of argumentation.
Of course, we argue because we want to change/convince another person, and freedom comes from recognizing that we cannot enforce our will on another’s free will. We can, however, influence them if we are wise. Why do we struggle with this simple maxim? And how can we escape endless toil by fruitless arguments? Manney deeply explores this topic through clear, understandable speech that unites psychological theory and practice. He teaches us to avoid arguments, not by becoming passive, but instead by learning how to reason together respectfully.
I personally found the chapter on “You Don’t Have to Keep Arguing with Yourself” to be especially enlightening. It discusses resentment and other negative emotions that come from others’ mistakes. He tries to keep us from wallowing because others have mistreated us. Often, this exhibits itself in the form of arguing with yourself, against your true position. This pseudo-intellectualism can take up precious time and energy that can (should) be devoted to better things.
Manney closes the book with a section on how to deal with arguing with children and teenagers and another on when to seek professional help. These special topics offer good tips on becoming a leader of the most important group anyone will ever lead – yourself. On television news, it sometimes seems that unhealthy disagreements encumber so many, whether in a low position or in a high position. This book -though with simple precepts that are impossible to master – challenges the reader to live up to her/his own principles, no matter how hard the path.
Why We Argue and How to Stop: A Therapist’s Guide to Navigating Disagreements, Managing Emotions, and Creating Healthier Relationships
By Jerry Manney
Copyright (c) 2022
TCK Publishing
ISBN13 9781631611759
Page Count: 167
Genre: Psychology, Self-Help
www.amazon.com